Mid90s: though a perfectly cromulent story — it’s not my 90s (a review)
I fully expected Jonah Hill’s nostalgic Mid90s to transform me to simpler times when we all threw on our neon windbreakers and spent our days rewinding films to avoid Blockbuster fees.
*Spoiler alert: I say things about the movie in this movie review.*
The first 30-minutes were full of personally relatable references and material: Ren & Stimpy t-shirt (check), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bedspread (check), Super Nintendo binging (check), Beavis & Butthead memorabilia (check), a much older sibling who enjoys beating the living shit out of you (check) while they simultaneously have an identity crisis, thinking they are a black guy (check — my sister was big into Nas, Tupac, and Biggie, sagged deep, and had an extremely enviable Jordan collection).
Despite all this, I related to my sister much in the way Stevie did with his older sibling: seeking validation, wanting to explore her interests and model my own after them (I never went full Slim Shady like she did), and then eventually giving up on her and exploring my own path. This initial relatability made me feel like I was in for quite the treat over the next 60 minutes.
But, beyond that intro — the movie spun into a series of unrelatable sequences and the nostalgia was gone for me. The most glaring differential from my own Mid90s: location. The movie is based in Los Angeles. I grew up in Wisconsin. Basically, if you inverted Los Angeles (get rid of all of the nice cars, wealth, things to do, perfect weather, and attractive people) you would get Wisconsin. There is also more cheese, more beer, thicker accents, and a hell of a lot more cows. (Not to mention an eerily high-proportioned amount of serial killers — but that’s neither here nor there).
Yes — of course even in the midwest we also skateboarded/roller bladed/BMXd and filmed it— but we didn’t spend nearly that much time outside. Are you crazy?! First of all: snow, but second of all the glory days of cable TV (Nickelodeon/MTV) and video games. I know you can’t show the kids watching “Pete & Pete”, “Real World” and “Wild & Crazy Kids” for the entire movie — but I was ready for the heavyhanded references from the beginning to continue pouring in (much like how I poured my milk into my delicious Rice Krispies Treats cereal).
Instead we were “treated to” some badasses — a group of male friends who are dope and do dope shit. To me — this was COMPLETELY UNRELATABLE. Where the fucking nerds at? I mean…I get it. The lead kid is a bit of a dork at first — but he also looks like he’s 8. (Okay, I admit maybe I’m just envious because I was a beastly gross manchild who was close to 6 feet and 200 pounds in 5th grade). I think perhaps he is supposed to be about 12/13 — but the kids he hangs with in the movie look like they’re between 17–45. It’s a bit of a stretch to believe this kid would ever be welcomed into the group — or even capable of holding a conversation (well, I guess he doesn’t really talk).
It doesn’t take long for these badasses to get into recreational drugs, drinking, and partying. I think that has less to do with the 90s — and more to do with being a bored kid who wants to explore and navigate the world. I just wish it would’ve been less glorified. The best parts of my youth involve some mischief, but drug use and drinking were side acts to our weird shenanigans, not the main entree (except me, because I was an annoying straight-edge vegan with a moral superiority complex — still am woooo). It reminds me of the really boring people in my life whose stories all begin with, “so this one time I got really fucked up”.
Yeah, we get it Todd, you’re always really “fucked up” because you’re a boring loser with no self-confidence or personality when you’re sober.
Anyway…Todd aside, it’s slightly amusing to watch these kids navigate their surprisingly diverse, yet integrated, friend groups (was that realistic in 90s LA? Perhaps it was — but self-selected segregation was still very much a thing during my middle-America 90s upbringing). Amusing — just not relatable.
The tagline for this movie was also, “too young for Nirvana, too old for the Strokes”. In Utero by Nirvana came out in late-1993. Is This It by The Strokes came out in 2001. Both are amazing records — and I enjoyed them both. Was I rocking out to In Utero’s more obscure songs as a 7-year-old? No, but I was aware of the hits. And I very-much enjoyed Is This It upon it’s release as a teenager. It’s a weird concept to think someone has an 8-year listening window. And by “weird”…I mean stupid.
I think any criticism of my criticism can be easily summed up as: “Dude, you’re overthinking it. This is just a simple period-piece coming-of-age story that uses the 90s as a mechanism, a vessel, not as the main subject-matter. Just sit back and enjoy it’s simplicity.”
Well guess what —both you and Jonah Hill can suck a big can of SURGE™ because he got me ready for a Nerf Supersoaker-esque barrage of 90s references straight to the fucking face. Instead, after the first 20 minutes, Jonah just hacky sacked* the 90s references around as sparingly as I got kissed during the same era**.
Thank you for allowing me to scratch the nostalgic itch I was left with at the end of Mid90s with this self aggrandizing diatribe. Please leave your favorite 90s toy in the comments below. (Don’t just say Tamagotchi or Beanie Babies — I need specifics people).
- *or Sipa, if you’re astutely cultural, LIKE I WAS
- **LOL j/k — nothing is that sparse
EDIT: oh poop, I forgot to actually give it a score. Umm, 3/5 Furbys I guess. Not quite Green Ranger status.
Craig Wiroll is a has-been reality television “star”, Asian elephant rehabilitator, waterfall repairman, two-time garlic eating champion, and also worked at Pizza Hut and The White House.
He lives alone with nobody — oftentimes out of the back of his Subaru.
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